When God's plan isn't obvious

One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It’s the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
Yes is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
‘Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know
One is the loneliest number even worse than two, yeah

When you start to understand the lyrics, it appears contradictory at first, but you soon realize that whether the situation is resolved positively or negatively, there will always be loneliness. For instance, you search for and find a new employment. This new job’s potential is both exciting and unsettling. You will make new acquaintances and lose some old ones while doing this. You might move into a new house and have to say goodbye to neighbors who have become like family, breaking your heart, but you’re also excited about meeting your new neighbors and making memories with them.

God mentions a season for every goal under heaven in Ecclesiastes. This verse in the Bible seems to correspond to the song’s lyrics. Every positive thing has a negative counterpart, or even better, the opposite of it.
When I contacted a friend today, I was reminded of both the Scripture and the song. We hadn’t spoken in a few weeks, so I was interested to hear from her. I texted her since I had something else on my mind and didn’t want to miss the chance to at least say hello and let her know I was thinking about her.

I didn’t anticipate the answer, or did I? Our almost two-decade-long friendship has not been without conflict. We both have strong personalities and a lot of things going on in the background. Too many “plates spinning in the air,” as they say. She responded in a rude manner, to put it mildly. Considering everything she is going through, how could I have waited so long to speak to her? I should have contacted her sooner knowing that she needed someone while recovering from a treatment, but I was not present. How could I possibly care so little? Wait a second… Since I hadn’t heard from her in two weeks, I got in touch with her. My phone didn’t ring in anticipation of her call, and neither did my notifications sound when a message had been received.

I replied that I, too, had been incredibly busy with life’s happenings and was gone on business, but I was unaware that she even had a procedure in order to avoid making any excuses. And wasn’t it now that I was contacting you to see how things were going? Did I not initially get in touch with her AGAIN to make sure that no more time would pass without letting her know I was considering her and her circumstances? I received yet another angry reply telling me that I had once again “set our relationship back.”

How can someone who considers themselves to be your friend—no, make that your sister—say that you have damaged your connection as you have in the past? What precisely does this mean? She interprets that to indicate that we are only left with nothing, thus I must put forth effort to repair our relationship.

Philippians 2:3-4

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

John 15:13

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

Many other verses that refer to friendship and carrying one another’s burdens spring to mind. This makes me think that we are not meant to be alone, even though the Father will undoubtedly not abandon us if we go to Him.
There is a time, a purpose, and a season for everything, according to Ecclesiastes. After 20 years, is this phase of my connection with this individual over? I can’t help but realize that over the years, I have been made to feel that I have done many things incorrectly in our friendship—I am the one who doesn’t reach out enough or say the appropriate things, for example.

I am forced to acknowledge that this is not the only instance in which it has happened. Because I don’t reach out enough, I don’t initiate conversations, I’m not the one who texts every day to check in, I’m the one who didn’t do, a lot of my relationships have ended.

I feel like I have to cater to everyone’s wants and desires, while mine are ignored and left hanging in the air. Others may understand the need of being busy and short on time in their own lives, but they still want complete focus from everyone else because it is obvious, they don’t have the time to put forth the effort.

I now feel alone and insufficient, wondering if I am putting enough effort into my relationships to nurture them into meaningful ties, and hoping to still have that one friend who has been a constant for the last (insert however many decades). Perhaps that is simply not meant to be in my life, and I have to accept that there will be more seasons to go through. There are times when I feel incredibly alone, despite the fact that I know I am never alone with God.